For as long as I can remember, I've been fascinated with the ideal of the warrior. More specifically, I've been fascinated by the ideal of the warrior as presented in ancient Europe, when warfare meant more than training to use guns and explosives, and battles were fought face to face. I was drawn to the ideal that the medieval warrior presented: strong, skilled, fierce, and proud. When most kids were playing with trucks, I was out in the yard swinging a plastic axe that I bought for Halloween and modified to be a bit more durable. I was sparring with thin air, but it really does go back that far for me. Eventually -- I can't quite pin-point when, but I want to say I was around 10 or so -- I transitioned to focus mainly on swords rather than axes, and the sword has been my passion ever since (to the point where I currently own a polypropelyne hand-and-a-half waster that I train with every few days, as well as a pair of matching training daggers -- and I've got plans to get my first real wooden shield in the very near future).
That warrior ideal has influenced my outlook on my philosophy quite a bit over the years, as well. The deeper that I got into the Celtic traditions, it was the Morrigan and stories of warriors like Cu Chulainn that had me enthralled. I wanted to emulate the uncompromising and indomitable spirit that the warrior tales presented. I had always been headstrong as it was, and felt the need to take it upon myself to protect the people that I cared about. I had a volatile temper that I had some difficulties controlling at that stage. In my youth, I thought the free-flowing berserk battle rage was the epitome of power (I was an angry young man, and bitter in a lot of ways), but I grew up and quite quickly realized that there were flaws in that. This is where the journey comes into play.
In exploring the concepts of the rest of the world, I picked up on other warrior cultures. The vikings were striking in that they reflected a very similar berserk styling to Cu Chulainn that reinforced the ideal a bit at first. The concept that a valorous death was the key to being judged worthy of the afterlife was appealing on a visceral level, but the more that I matured, the more I saw how impractical that was in a modern world. Dying by the sword has become an antiquated notion. So instead, I looked to more "disciplined" cultures for inspiration. I'd always been intrigued by martial arts, and some of the concepts of orders like the Shao Lin seemed to fit my needs quite well -- self control and meditation being chief among them. This is ultimately how I learned to control my temper, and I've had solid reins on it ever since. It's a lot like forging a good weapon; you can't just take a piece of raw ore and expect it to turn into a sword. You have to smelt it, hammer it until the metal is without flaws, and forge it into the right shape for it to be of any use.
When I started to branch and fine tune out my personal philosophies, the warrior ideal played a large part in those selections. When I fully dedicated myself to the Celtic traditions, I chose to devote myself to the Morrigan, first and foremost. This was an easy decision. Not only did the Morrigan have the aspect of a war deity, but she also represented fertility and death, and as a triple-goddess, embodied the cyclical path of life. Cernunnos was another heavily inspirational figure, as a god of nature and the hunt -- a different type of warrior in my view. As my beliefs expanded, Odin was brought into the fold. Like the Morrigan, Odin was associated with war, death, and rebirth of sorts, and like Cernunnos he was associated with the wild hunt. Fitting further into what I value on a symbolic level, Odin is also heavily associated with the raven, a personal totem of mine that I often meditate on for insight and knowledge of my own reality.
On a semi-related note, I've had a rough couple of months because I'd gone so long without keeping these ideals in mind. I started to be a little on-edge, and short-tempered. Long story short, going back to basics and getting back into my sword training and meditation has really gotten me back on track. It's all about having that outlet for any frustrations to be vented in a healthy way, and giving myself time to think and really center myself again. It's easier said than done most times, but it all goes back to the sword analogy -- you've got to be forged before you can be functional.
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